Let’s be real for a minute. Some days in motherhood are hard.
Double that when either you or our child have mental or emotional complexities. Maybe you are an anxious mom or have anxious kids. Perhaps one of your kids has been diagnosed with ADHD, autism or sensory issues. Triple that when you are BOTH dealing with mental health challenges and you continue to trigger one another. Oof.
According to the CDC, about 6 million U.S. children have ADHD, with about 5.8 million struggling with anxiety and 2.7 million with depression. As for the adults, over 8 million struggle with ADHD, 42 million with anxiety, and 21 million with depression. And what about all the adults or children who have yet to be diagnosed? Maybe you don’t have an official diagnosis for anything yet, but you know something is different. And in your heart of hearts, you know things could be better, but how?
Let me first be very clear by stating that I am not a doctor. I’m a mom who has challenging days with two children, and at least one of them is neurodiverse. I struggle with overwhelm and (undiagnosed) anxiety. I have not only been in your shoes, but I am currently still in the trenches. These are a few life hacks I have put into place that help our anxiety, dysregulation, mood issues, anger, etc. feel a bit more manageable.
Better yet, none of these involve medication.
Make quiet time a priority
This is a non-negotiable in our home. We have blocked off nap time (now called quiet time) since my kids were infants. This is as much for their developing brains as it is for our sanity. It allows everyone a reset. For us, it’s after lunch every day. Maybe in your home, it’s in the morning. Maybe you read your bible or do a devotional, and they get to listen to a kid’s podcast in their rooms. For moms and kids with noise sensitivity, this is GOLD. For work-at-home moms, this is a must!
If you struggle to get your kids to stay in their rooms, you can create little busy bins (look on Pinterest!) and reserve a few unique toys that only come out for quiet time. Get your big kids into podcasts and your little ones a Toniebox audio player (we have this one for my daughter). Remember, rewards go a long way. Start with 30 minutes and work your way up with simple rewards, like tokens, tickets or coupons. If they earn a certain amount of tokens, they can earn a really special privilege. You know what works for your kids, so set rewards that make the most sense.
Saffron + other supplements
I recently started using a mood supplement that has been a game changer for me and my kids. It’s called Kids Mood+.
Research on Saffron extract has indicated that Saffron can be just as effective as Ritalin (for ADHD) or Prozac (for depression). When I heard about this for the first time from someone I follow (Dr. Amen), I was really excited about the potential for my son. The next day, I was at the park with my kids when a friend told me about these supplements and how they changed her mindset after a major life shift. We discussed “Happy Juice” (for busy, tired, foggy, anxious, bloated, depressed, YOU-NAME-IT moms) and the kid’s line, which included the ingredient saffron! I felt like this park-bench conversation was a Godsend, and knew it was something I needed to pay attention to.
After much research of my own, I decided to become a brand partner. We have been using the Kid’s Pack and Happy Juice for 30 days and I have noticed improved sleep quality, waking up refreshed, better afternoon mood (this was a biggie for me and my kids), I no longer crave my afternoon coffee, and my kids are able to play for longer stretches without being dysregulated or fighting. The longer we take these supplements, the more our gut-brain axis will improve. As our microbiomes heal, we will produce more dopamine and serotonin naturally.
Has it completely changed my life? Not exactly. Am I seeing some real, valuable, tangible improvement? YES! There are no quick fixes in life. Everything worth while takes time. I highly recommend checking out Kids Mood+ (for kiddos) and Happy Juice (for you) if you are an anxious mom or have anxious kids. The testimonials on the Kids+ alone are pretty powerful.
You can use my $10 off coupon for any of these supplements here.
Identify triggers and create boundaries
Start to notice what sets you off. What are your triggers? Is it noise, messes or whining? Now start to notice what triggers your child. Maybe it’s noise, doing homework or their sibling. Once you figure out yours and your child’s biggest triggers (i.e., the thing that makes them snap and react without thinking), start preparing boundaries for when these triggers occur. Here’s an example:
A mom named Emily is triggered by noise and chaos in her home. While she’s cooking dinner, the TV is blaring, her youngest is whining about being hungry and her oldest is playing video games and shouting at the bad guys. Meanwhile, the dog is outside barking at God-knows-what. Emily goes to see what the dog is barking at and trips over a tower of magna-tiles on the floor. All things combined make her snap and begin yelling at everyone to be quiet, clean up the toys, feed the dog, etc.
Once you figure out what makes your child (or you) snap and react, you can create a plan. For the above example, maybe Emily sets a timer for 10 minutes and the toys near the kitchen must be picked up and put away before dinner prep begins. Perhaps she sets a new rule: no video games and TV at the same time. Choose one, set a time limit and that’s all you get. As for the whining, mom has an activity on hand for dinner-cooking time, and/or she plans ahead for a healthy snack around 4 (apples and peanut butter, anyone?). Maybe she also uses these noise reducing earplugs. That way she can hear anything important, but it’s toned way down.
Read your food labels
Be aware of food dyes (Red No. 40, Blue No. 1, Yellow No. 5, etc.) that are lurking in some unexpected places. It’s not just candy and colorful frosting. You’ll find food dye in pickles, mouthwash, vitamins, fruit juices, medication, chips, and yogurt. The list goes on! Not only are these food colorings chemicals, but they contain carcinogens and are linked to behavioral issues in children. Preservatives should be avoided as well. Some to look out for on your food labels are: Nitrates, sulfites, MSG, high fructose corn syrup and BHT.
An easy rule of thumb: the fewer ingredients, the better. More whole foods + less packaged foods = better behavior (and you’ll feel better too)!
Talk to another adult daily
It’s easy to fall into a negative thought pattern. Not only is it easy, but it’s human nature. If I’m too much in my own head all day, I don’t have much perspective. Something changes in me if I’ve just chatted with my friend, my mom, or a new mom-friend I meet at the park with my kids. It doesn’t have to be a lengthy conversation, but it does need to be with an adult. And yes, your spouse counts! Just make sure you aren’t discussing the kids. Make jokes, talk about your next date night, the weather, that movie you want to see, etc. Moms, especially stay-at-home moms, need this adult outlet. Remember, we weren’t designed to do life alone. We were meant to live in community, and that includes a lot of other children and adults.
I hope this helps all of you anxious mom and kids out there. What life hacks did I miss? Do you have anxious kids in the home? Are you an anxious mom? Do you have any tried-and-true life hacks that work for your children? Please let me know in the comments!
