Ok, “survive” may be a bit dramatic of a word. However, for those of us who are waiting (and waiting, and waiting) it can feel like full-on survival mode, can’t it? How do people actually survive the adoption wait?
Does this resonate with you at all?
“Will this ever happen?”
“Is our child even out there somewhere?”
“What if we miss it?”
“Why is it so easy for some and so hard for others?”
“What if they change their minds?”
“Now that all the paperwork is complete, what do I do to busy myself?”
I can relate to all of those. But what if I told you that survival isn’t actually the goal here.
>>>>>The main goal is to thrive in a season of waiting. But how do we best do that?<<<<<
So, how did I survive (aka thrive) in the adoption wait?
I started by giving up the “woe is me” mindset and working on my “preparing the field” mindset. Here are a few steps I took to intentionally do just that.
Dedicated quiet time with devotionals and books
Every morning, I grabbed my favorite waiting-related book (here), favorite devotional (here) and journal, made a steaming cup of coffee and went into our half decorated potential nursery. There, I would sit in my rocking chair and have my quiet time.
This should go without saying, but diving into the Bible during your quiet time is good idea for so many reasons. You can rotate books out as you see fit, but this (here) is my favorite bible right now.
Prioritize your health + wellbeing
I was already part of a gym at the time, but I kept at it. I knew that once we had a tiny baby in the home, the gym would be a distant memory (at least for a few months, until child care would allow him in!). Also, exercise releases endorphins and endorphins are natural mood boosters. It may be worth mentioning that I met some of the most fascinating people in the sauna, too. Needless to say, I always left the gym feeling on top of the world.
Spend quality time with your partner
We didn’t appreciate this at the time (hindsight is 20/20, right?) but one of our caseworkers would always tell us to go on a date because “life is going to change!” Boy, was she right. Now, two kids in and we’re desperate for any chance for a date night (Whaaaat? Talking with no interruptions?! 😉 )
We were also able to make some priceless memories on trips we couldn’t have otherwise done. For example, on a whim, we loaded up our 3 dogs and drove 16 hours to Colorado to RV with my parents on top of a mountain. The generator wasn’t working, so we nearly froze to death and had no coffee in the morning (#RVLifeProbs), but it cost us very little and was such a memorable and laughable time. And oh my goodness, did we have the best views to talk to God on that mountaintop. <3
I know you’ve already heard this a dozen times, but DO date your spouse right now. You will never get this time back.
Better your financial situation, even in small ways
We slowly snowballed and paid off some small debts. But the real kicker was when we decided to sell and buy again. Our equity allowed us to pay off all our credit cards (aka bad debt) and get into a better home for a growing family.
Maybe for you this means saving $1,000 for an emergency fund before baby arrives. Break that into small steps and it’s actually very manageable.
Take more walks
I know walks won’t directly allow you to survive the adoption wait, but hear me out. I took walks each day the weather and my work-at-home corporate job would allow. This was time I used, much like my devotional time, to clear my mind, listen to a podcast and/or just pray for our future child and the families it would impact.
I wouldn’t trade these for anything. In fact, while less frequent, I still take these meditative walks to this day.
Keep a gratitude log
This is something I did not do during my wait, but now that I keep a gratitude log, it’s something I would highly recommend during this time to survive the adoption wait. This is the one I have currently and love!
Find community + likeminded people
Join a small group, go to church, start a bible study. Whatever it is, get in a group where other humans can support you and you can support other humans. We’ve lost this art just a little, especially during 2020.
We were part of a small group during our IVF and IUI days. During our adoption wait, we were part of our agency’s monthly meet-up group. It was an invaluable time to not only connect with other couples in the same boat, but also learn relevant information. And, friends, if nothing like this exists in your area, join a few Facebook groups and start conversations with moms in the same season. Find connections and “me too-s” wherever you can!
I hope this post helped stir up some ideas inside of you! Remember to focus on what you can learn during this season instead of plowing through it with your head down, praying to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Please comment below and tell me what types of things you’re doing during your wait.
>>> Did you know that I created an adoption journal for such a time as this? The Waiting Well journal launches on November 9th (World Adoption Day!) and I can’t wait to get this into the hands of women in a season of waiting. Sign up below to get on our wait list!<<<
